


Power To The Music

by Kabella



Series: Endurance [15]
Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Anxiety, Fans, Fear, Lifetime, M/M, Music, Terrorcest - Freeform, Touring, breakthrough, press event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabella/pseuds/Kabella
Summary: The Crue's reunion tour is looming ahead, as the four prepare for it. Nikki is half excited and half scared shitless. Tommy's patience has been holding, but is beginning to show signs of wear. Maybe just at the right time?
Relationships: Tommy Lee/Nikki Sixx
Series: Endurance [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1902748
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Power To The Music

**Author's Note:**

> This is the last chapter of this series. Feels long in the coming for me. Thanks to all of the readers and the fans of my writing for coming back each time. (Psst... there's one more chapter. When I originally posted this the last chapter had already been posted before I knew I was going to do a series.)
> 
> I'm going to list the order in which the chapters should go, sequentially. 
> 
> 1\. Hypnotize  
> 2\. Uncle Jack  
> 3\. Babykills (alternate-ending bonus chapter)  
> 4\. Misunderstood  
> 5\. Poison Apples  
> 6\. Welcome to the Numb  
> 7\. Driftaway (the first one I posted)  
> 8\. Loveshine  
> 9\. Hooligan's Holiday  
> 10\. Smoke the Sky  
> 11\. Hammered  
> 12\. Droppin' Like Flies  
> 13\. Livin' in the Know  
> 14\. Terror Twins Christmas Special (bonus chapter)  
> 15\. Power to the Music  
> 16\. Til Death do us Part

Winter, spring, and summer of 2004 have passed. It took Nikki through most of the month of January to step outside of the house without having an anxiety attack. He really didn’t have a choice. His band’s album was in the last stages of production, missing Nikki’s bass tracks, and input. Nikki finally relented, and took Tommy’s advice of meeting with his shrink again. 

The doctor put him on a non-addictive anti-anxiety medication; actually an antidepressant, as they’re safer for the addict. The first one that he tried seems to assuage his social anxiety, making him feel relaxed around others, but too relaxed, often nodding off unexpectedly, and dizzy and nauseous at other times. That’s not good for touring. It also caused erectile dysfunction, which was a huge issue for the couple. A definite no. The second medication was a much better fit. He wasn’t quite as relaxed around others, but he could at least leave the house and take care of business. Larger social events were a little harder to tackle, but it was a good trade off for being able to enjoy a normal sex life.

During those winter months, Nikki’s band was gearing up for a brief tour in the late spring. He didn’t really feel ready, but not willing to give up on something, he went through all of the motions to prepare for touring. However, the band was already starting to show signs of cracking. One band member already left, and Nikki was beginning to understand why. They just weren’t getting along. The tour got delayed, and Nikki finally announced that he was leaving too. None of it had anything to do with his open relationship with Tommy. If anything the business interactions with his band were helpful in easing Nikki back into the world of the music industry without panic attacks.

As for the other Crue members, Tommy began writing a book and working on a solo album, Vince was on tour for the summer as a solo artist, and Mick finally listened to his doctors and went in for the hip replacement. There’s no way he would have been able to tour without the surgery. Plus he started a lengthy battle to rid himself of a golddigger who had taken residence up at his house. Things were falling into place for Motley Crue to reassemble. They decided against putting out a new album, and instead focused on a few singles with a compilation album, and just learning how to function as a unified band. The last tour that all four did together, for the Greatest Hits album, ended in disaster in more than one way than one. The four vowed to not let personalities and egos come before the music and the band as a whole.

\------------------------

“How’s your book coming along, T?” Nikki asks, flopping down on the couch after coming home from a meeting with their manager.

“It’s getting there. I don’t like this writing shit. I should have ghost writer,” Tommy replies.

“I’ll write a chapter for you. ‘Nikki Sixx: The sexiest and most talented motherfucker who ever lived.’ Just give me the green light and it’s done.”

I already have a chapter about you. ‘Nikki Sixx: The man who can’t always get it up and a class-A narcissist.’ Includes picture inserts of what I have to deal with.”

“You can go fuck yourself tonight for that comment,” Nikki says, getting up from the couch to walk away.

“Big deal. I’ve had to fuck myself a number of times when you were perking on that shit from the doctor.”

Nikki doesn’t reply and heads upstairs. Tommy isn’t concerned. They always throw pot shots at each other. He finished watching the last few minutes of his TV show, then pauses it to go check on Nikki. His medication on occasion causes him to have mood swings, and he sometimes needs to be talked off of the ledge.

“Nikki?” Tommy says, opening the bedroom door. He hears the shower running in the bathroom and peels his clothes off to join him.

“Go away. I told you to go fuck yourself,” Nikki says, as he’s scrubbing up.

“Come on. That’s no fun.”

“Well, you act like you’ve had to perform on yourself regularly, that I’m sure you’ll do a great job on busting your nuts in unison with your own hand.”

“Fuck. You know that I just like to bust on you, and I don’t really mean it. Haven’t you caught on by now,” Tommy says, nuzzling against Nikki, while moving his hand onto Nikki’s junk. “Come on. I’ll make you feel really good.”

“Hey, wanna know a secret?” Nikki whispers, as he feigns looking both ways to make sure that the coast is clear before spilling the beans.

“Uh, what?” Tommy says, raising an eyebrow.

Nikki leans in closely to Tommy’s ear, and says in a whisper, “I fucking know, dumbass. It’s how I peel your ass away from the TV and guilt you into doing whatever I want to make me feel good. But don’t tell anyone I told you. K?”

“Oh, fuck off, you phony fuck,” Tommy says, opening the shower door to step out.

“Where you going? You started something that you need to finish.” 

“You bust your own nuts this time,” Tommy says, closing the shower door behind him as he grabs a towel.

Nikki quickly rinses, shuts off the water, and races out of the shower, foregoing a towel to catch Tommy before he gets too far. He’s in the bedroom toweling off. Nikki bum rushes him, pushing him onto the bed, and getting on top quickly, still dripping wet. Tommy welcomes him, by shifting around to lie on his back and opening his legs, and connecting his lips with Nikki’s. The two kiss and grind, devouring and manhandling each other, eventually engaging in intense intercourse resulting in mind-choking orgasms. It’s like this between the two every day (well, when the kids aren’t home.)

\--------------------

The pair lie on the bed in the afterglow facing each other.

“How was your meeting?” Tommy asks, in a somewhat quiet voice.

“I managed,” Nikki replies.

“Have I told you yet today how much I love you?”

“I don’t think so, but you just showed me,” Nikki grins.

“OK, I guess I’m good them,” Tommy says, leaning back, closing his eyes.

Nikki turns on his side to face Tommy. “The tour promoters and Allen want us to do a press event to announce the upcoming tour.”

“OK, cool. Just let me know when.”

“T….. we haven’t appeared together on camera since coming out.”

“You’ve been on camera. And you’ve done an interview,” the drummer yawns.

“But not with you,” Nikki says, waiting for Tommy’s pep talk.

Silence from Tommy.

“Tom?”

“What?! Can’t a guy nod off for a little while?”

Nikki sighs. “We haven’t…… nevermind. We can talk later,” Nikki says, nestling in towards Tommy.

“You’re going to do fine,” Tommy finally says, eyes still closed.

“OK,” Nikki whispers, shutting his eyes.

\-------------------

The day of the press event, off stage - 

“Nikki, why don’t you sit down, and stop pacing. It’s making everyone dizzy,” Tommy insists.

“I can’t. I’m going to faint in front of everyone,” Nikki replies.

“Tommy’s right, kid. Sit the fuck down,” Mick barks.

Nikki glares at him and walks off towards the men’s room.

“Tom, what’s his problem today?” Vince asks.

“Nerves, again.”

“I thought he was working through that,” Vince questions.

“He has, and he’s been making good progress. But it’s the combo of the large crowd and the fact that he and I will be together,” Tommy reveals.

“I thought he was on medication for that.”

“He is, but it’s hard to find one that is a miracle cure. He still has some social anxiety on this one. It’s nothing new. Remember how freaked out he was at the Moscow Peace Festival; our first show after sobriety. He had no drugs or alcohol to hide behind.”

“I think we were all a little scared that day. All four of us, playing and singing sober for the first time,” Vince recalls.

“Yeah, but Nikki was completely scared stiff for the first few minutes. I was feeding him all kinds of bullshit to convince him to step out on stage.”

“What can we do to help him?” Mick asks.

“Just have his back. If he seems tongue tied, jump in and cover for him. He gets all worked up in his head, but usually can pull through. I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“10 minutes, guys,” Allen informs them. “Where’s Nikki?”

“Men’s room. I’m going to go get him,” Tommy says, walking off.

Tommy pushes the door to the bathroom open. “Nik?”

“What?” Nikki replies, standing at the sink.

“We’re on soon. You can do this.”

“I just threw up.”

“You haven’t even eaten anything, man,” Tommy says, with a concerned look.

Nikki shrugs.

“Come here,” Tommy says, with his arms open.

Nikki lays into his embrace.

“Do you want to sit next to me on the panel, or apart? If you’re next to me, I’ll hold your hand under the table. You can squeeze it as hard as you need to.”

“OK.”

“Hey, we all got your back. Focus on the band and the music, love. I’ll take the other questions, if there are any. This press event isn’t about our relationship. It’s about the band getting back together. Remember that.”

“Why is this so hard for me?”

Tommy knows, deep within, all Nikki wants is to be loved and accepted. It’s something that he didn’t grow up with, at least from the two people who should have loved him unconditionally; his own parents. It’s probably why he struggles so much. As with most people, it’s really only your inner circle that should matter. Anyone else who objects to what you’re doing or doesn’t like something about you or your work can go fuck themselves. But Nikki’s fear of rejection because of his choice of partner is too personal for him to be able to disconnect from the criticism. Nikki had his circle, and had grown to trust those in it, and gotten accustomed to the type of person who doesn’t like him. He found a way to handle that from within. But now some from within his circle of trust have betrayed him, new groups of people have come up against him. It’s disrupted his comfort zone and how he rationalizes things. He just needs to understand his new normal, and once again establish a new inner circle of trust and outer circle of supporters, and to move past those who condemn him. They’re not worth it.

Tommy thinks that he’ll find that place again. Aside from his grandparents, it took him until his late 20’s to even tell someone that he loved them and to accept that someone loved him. It was Tommy. It was on the day of his wedding to Heather in 1986. Nikki was upset, Tommy confronted him about his behavior, and it all came out in a beautiful, sloppy mess; the L-word revealed from both parties. A bittersweet day, as a wedding was about to take place, but somehow it was like an epiphany for the bass player; a true feel-good moment that forever changed him, despite his love taking vows with someone else.

Tommy coaxes Nikki out of the bathroom just in time for one final tease of his hair and retouch of make-up. The four band members gather for a pep talk. 

“We’re gonna kick ass. People wanna see us back out there, all together. It’s time,” Tommy says.

“We got your back Nikki. Focus on the music and the tour,” Mick says.

“Anyone fucks with us, I’ll kick their fucking ass,” Vince adds.

“I know guys. Love you all. This tour is everything I’ve wanted for a long time,” Nikki says.

“Let’s go,” Vince says.

\--------------------------------

About 3 hours later at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant - 

“I need food,” Tommy says, opening the menu.

“I think I might actually be a little hungry, now that we’re here and I smell food,” Nikki says.

“You need food,” Tommy insists, shoving a menu in front of Nikki.

“So do you, to sop up some of the alcohol sloshing around in your belly.”

“I guess that I had more than I should have. I just got a little excited, I guess.”

“ know. It was good,” Nikki says, trying to focus on the menu.

“What, the press event or the strip club?”

“The press event, dummy. I can go to a strip club anytime.”

“See, you get all worked up for nothing.”

“There were still a few questions about us.”

“You didn’t spontaneously combust, and did you hear how I answered them? Simple answers, and they moved on.”

“I know. I’m trying. I got through it, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Tommy beams. “We all did. I’m actually excited for the four of us to be back together. It feels good. Then to punctuate the press meeting with a visit to the club. It was like old times. Not that any of us behave nearly as badly as we used to, but it just felt easy…. for once.”

“So are you pretty much OK with Vince now?”

“I don’t think that we’ll ever really be close friends again outside of the band, but it feels like the family is back together.”

Nikki smiles. The last thing he wants is those two to start breaking each other down again. They can’t go there this time.

The waitress comes to take their drink order, then leaves.

“Nik,” Tommy says, tapping his fingers on the tables, then turning his hand palm up to motion with his fingers for Nikki’s hand.  
  


Nikki just sits there and purses his lips, and is mindlessly shaking his no.

“Come on, Nik,” Tommy sighs, still wiggling his fingers.

Nikki won’t hold his hand on top of the table. Tommy pulls his back.

“You know there once was a time when we would sit in a place like this and bitch about not being able to hold hands. Now we can, and you won’t. You wanna go back to what it was like in years past, sneaking around? Because I feel like we’re still there sometimes. Thought maybe you had a little bit of a breakthrough today.”

“God, Tom. I just need time. Small steps.”

“You know it’s been about a year. A fucking year Nikki, since we’ve been together publicly. Plus were going to be out on tour in a couple of months. You gotta start making some fucking moves.”

“You said you wouldn’t push me,” Nikki reminds him.

“Yup, been saying that for the past 12 months, but the warranty on my patience is about to expire.”

Nikki sits at the table, drumming his fingers. Tommy returns to the menu, to avoid saying anything further that he might regret that could set Nikki back. But, fuck man. What’s it gonna take?

Tommy is startled by the sound of Nikki’s chair suddenly scraping against the floor, as he pushes it back to stand up. He assumes that he’s heading off to his usual safety zone, the men’s room, when suddenly the bass player is standing in front of him. Nikki forcefully grabs the back of Tommy’s head, then leans down and plants a blatant kiss on his lips. He lets go, then sits back down, just as the waitress returns with their drinks.

“OK, then,” she says, putting the drinks on the tables. Her cheeks are bright red, having just watched the 2 men kiss as she was walking towards them. She brushes her bangs back, then tries to ask for their orders, in a normal tone with a forced smile. 

“I think we need another minute,” Tommy says. 

The waitress leaves.

“Nik! What the fuck? That was fucking hot,” Tommy says, wide-eyed licking his lips, slamming his hands on the table.

“Tom, just shut up. I can’t believe I just did that. You were pissing me off. God, she saw that. Fuck!”

“Yeah, and she’s all fucking flustered. That’s the fucking shit I’m talking about, Love. Oh my god. I just want to be free to let loose with you.”

“She’s probably telling everyone in the kitchen.”

Tommy shrugs. “So? Bring it on. Who gives a shit,” Tommy says, not able to control his giddiness.

“Put my order in. I’m going to the bathroom.”

“I won’t, and no you’re not. Sit, motherfucker.”

“She’s coming,” Nikki says, closing his eyes, willing her to evaporate.

The waitress approaches. “Are you ready to order?”

The pair place their order. Nikki won’t look up though.

The waitress sticks the pen back behind her ear and goes to step away, and then steps back. “Are you those guys from that band Motley Crue?”

“That’s us,” Tommy says.

“That’s what I thought. I don’t really know much about your music. Sorry. I like bands like Maroon 5. I’ve just heard about you guys from entertainment news and stuff. It’s really cool to have you here, even though I don’t really know who you are.”

“We have a compilation album being released soon. There’s a few new songs on it in preparation for our upcoming tour. We just announced it today.”

“Oh wow. Um, maybe I’ll check it out. I might know one of your songs. Are you the band that sings Home Sweet Home?”

“That’s us,” Tommy says.

“Oh ok. See I know something at least,” she giggles. “And are you the ones who, um, well you know, are like together?” Is that you? I assume. I saw you kiss.”

“Yeah, that’s us.”

“Well, good for you, I guess. I have like a gay friend. Uh, so um. I’m OK with it, I guess. Um, I should probably get your order.”

She leaves. Nikki is holding his head in his hand.

“Are you going to be OK,” Tommy asks.

“Yup. Fuck her and her gay friend.”

Tommy smiles. “At least she tried to act cool about it. But, whether she was offended or embarrassed or just nervous, it’s not that big a deal, right? You just gotta say fuck you sometimes.”

“I’m OK. I mean, that **_was_ **kind of titillating to kiss you like that,” Nikki smirks.

“That’s my boy. Been missing that fire, Love. Will you take my hand now?” Tommy says, extending his hand.

Nikki relents, and takes hold of Tommy’s on top of the table. Tommy bites his bottom lip, watching Nikki starting to spread his wings.

\-----------------------

3 months later -

“Can you believe it, Sixx? We leave for our tour tomorrow. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever been so excited for a tour. Maybe our first one. I don’t know. It’s not just the touring though, it’s that it’s with you. We have our own fucking bus when we’re stateside, and when we’re in hotels on other nights, it’s our room. No sneaking and shit, like in the past,” Tommy rambles.

“I’m excited too. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m also scared as fuck,” Nikki says, pulling clothes out of the closet.

Tommy walks over to Nikki, and grabs hold of his waist. “You know that you’re going to do fine, Love Bug.”

“I’m just nervous about the way people are going to react.”

“What about your rusty bass playing?” Tommy jokes, slapping Nikki on the ass, as he goes back to his own packing.

“Fuck you. I’m not rusty. I’m afraid of…. I don’t know, like booing or something, or things thrown at me. Just hate.”

“We always get shit thrown at us. You’re overthinking things again. And you better make sure that you got your meds packed.”

“You too.”

“Taken care of already. I have a bag of necessities already packed. Lube, sex toys, flask, ipod with my music, and meds. The stuff I need for survival.”

Nikki just flashes Tommy his crooked grin, and goes back to pulling clothes to pack.

“Nik?”

“Hmm?”

“You know that most of your shows are sold out, right?” Tommy asks.

“I know. That’s a lot of people.”

“That’s a lot of people who are spending their hard earned money to see us. That’s our fans.”

“And?”

“Well, no hater is going to spend money, at least for the costlier floor seats, just to throw shit at us or holler names. These are our fucking fans, Nikki. They’re not your enemy. Remember that.”

“I hate when you make sense,” Nikki says, shutting his closet door.

“I have to think hard to keep you from having an excuse to be a whiny bitch.”

“You think that I’m a whiny bitch?”

“Often. But, sometimes I like it,” Tommy says, raising his eyebrows up.

Nikki sweeps all of his clean clothes off the bed in one swift action, and then pulls Tommy down on it with him. They immediately lock lips.

“I want you to whine for me, bitch,” Tommy says, as he goes in for Nikki’s neck.

\-------------------------------

It’s a few minutes before lights up at their first show on the tour, in Puerto Rico. The band is in a huddle, backstage. - 

“I can’t believe we’re here again. The four of us. It’s been a long time,” Vince says. “Welcome back, T-Bone.”

“Thanks. Great to be back. Missed you guys.”

“Mick, that hip gonna hold out?” Tommy asks.

“It better. Some sort of expensive titanium shit in there. Someone will get their ass chewed and sued if it fails me.”

“Fuck your hip. We’ll bring a gurney out if we need to, as long as your fingers can still shred.” Tommy says.

“You might need that gurney for Nikki. You gonna stay conscious and standing, kid?” Mick asks.

“I think that I’m going to throw up,” Nikki says, sweating already.

“Fans, Nik. Hear them screaming for us?” Tommy says.

Nikki nods.

“Come on. This is our time. Don’t lose the moment. Let’s let our voices and music be heard. We’ve been missed,” Mick says.

“It’s a celebration, guys. I just got married. Mick got rid of that blood-sucking bitch and has some shiny, new body parts, Tommy has a book and solo album coming out, Nikki’s been sober for over 3 years. We’ll celebrate the two of you,” Vince says, motioning to Nikki and Tommy. “And we’ll celebrate our brotherhood. It’s gonna be a party.”

“Fuck yeah!” Tommy yells.

“Let’s go, guys!” the road manager yells.

The band breaks their huddle. Tommy puts his hands on Nikki’s shoulders. “You got this, Love.”

“Tommy! Nikki! Let’s go!” a voice rings out.

Tommy leaves Nikki with a kiss, and heads out to his drum kit.

Nikki feels paralyzed, all sounds morphing into what sounds like a roaring wind. He leans to the side, and throws up whatever is left in his stomach, and Nikki just stands there staring. Their manager approaches.

“Nikki! Snap out of it! Go!” Allen shouts.

The bassist nods, his feet feeling like cinder blocks, as Allen is shoving him forward. 

“Nikki,” Allen says, grabbing his face. “Take a deep breath. Now just listen….. “

Nikki closes his eyes for a moment and hears the crowd shouting, _Crue, Crue, Crue._

The chant brings back feel-good memories of the past. He takes a deep breath. “Okay. I got it,” Nikki resolves, finally able to get his feet to move forward. 

“Knock ‘em dead, kid!” Allen yells out.

Nikki steps out on the darkened stage. Tommy gets the cue to clap his sticks together. The lights goes up, and the first chords of Shout at the Devil roar out into the arena.

\-----------------------------

_At the hotel, later that night -_

“You look spent,” Tommy says, looking down at Nikki who’s recently showered, stripped down, and lying in bed.

“I am,” Nikki replies, smiling.

“Better get your old man ass used to this again. We got a zillion shows ahead of us. I bet even Mick is still engined up, doing some sort of crazy shit. Maybe banging a hot chick or something.”

“Mick? You’re crazy. I think he was asleep before we even left the stage,” Nikki jokes.

“Tonight was something special, wasn’t it,” Tommy says, sitting on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on Nikki’s ankle.

“I think one of the best days of my life….. I have everything I want. Our band, our music, our fans, a tour, and you and my kids. Couldn’t ask for more.”

“You gonna be OK now?”

“I think so. I needed tonight. I know I’ve been a pain in the ass, but I feel like some of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders tonight.”

“It’s been a journey for you, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah….. Thanks for always being there for me. We’ve both been through a shit ton of stuff, but I know I’ve been just downright ridiculous at times.”

“Can’t disagree with you. But I always knew that you’d find your way through this, but believe me, there are some days I just wanted to smack you stupid.”

“You might need to prepare yourself for setbacks, but I think that I might have hit a turning point tonight. Like when I saw that Terror Twin banner raised up in the crowd. I mean, I guess some people still like us.”

“Some people? Bro, we got millions of fans. And they’re always going to outweigh the haters,” Tommy says. “Fuck the haters. Who cares. We got what we want, Love. And so much more to come.”

“A lifetime,” Nikki smiles.

Tommy reaches over and kisses Nikki. “Be right back. I’m going to brush my teeth.”

“OK. I’ll be here.”

It’s only been a few minutes, but when Tommy emerges from the bathroom, he finds Nikki asleep. He debates for a minute whether to wake him up. He decides not to. Nikki looks to be at perfect peace for once, with what almost seems like a smile on his face. Tommy slips into bed next to him, wrapping his arm around him. 

Tommy whispers into Nikki’s ear, “Goodnight, Love. Welcome back to living life. We got this together.”

\--------------

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning to upload this as a book on Wattpad (under my username Kajomon) soon. I don't have a title yet. Nothing is speaking to me. I'm going to remaster the chapters, so to speak. Just a little tweaking and fixing of my typos. 
> 
> This series started with Driftaway, meant to be a one shot. I built the book around that. I was thinking of opening the book with Driftaway. The reason being that the the chapter packs a more powerful punch, not knowing yet, what got Tommy and Nikki to that point. Then the backstory, starting with Hypnotize with start. Driftaway will come up again, in sequence, and then be followed by the what-happened-next chapters. 
> 
> After that, I'm going to work on a follow-up one shot for both Starry Eyes and Come on and Dance. They'll be posted here.
> 
> Then I have to start on the other half of my WP Crue adventure book. I might do a few one-shots for AO3 in between writing chapters for the book. It gets monotonous. Breaks are welcomed.
> 
> Thanks again readers.


End file.
